We often imagine royals and nobles living grand lives, seemingly untouched by the mundane. But history shows that death arrives for everyone, sometimes in the most unexpected and downright bizarre ways. Forget epic battles or noble sacrifices; some high-ranking figures met ends so strange they sound like pure_fiction. Let’s explore ten of the weirdest demises that befell historical royalty and nobility. These accounts, drawn from historical records, might have a touch of exaggeration, but they paint a fascinating picture of how even the powerful can meet peculiar fates.
1. King Pyrrhus: Struck Down by a Roof Tile
Dying in battle was often seen as honorable for a king. However, not every ruler met their end from an enemy’s sword. King Pyrrhus of Epirus, a famed Greek commander, faced a surprisingly inglorious death. During a battle in Argos in 272 BC, his end came from an unlikely source: an old woman.
The fighting raged in the narrow city streets. While Pyrrhus battled an Argive soldier, the soldier’s mother watched from her rooftop. According to the historian Plutarch, seeing her son in danger, she grabbed a roof tile with both hands and threw it at Pyrrhus. The tile struck him on the head, causing him to fall from his horse. Whether the blow killed him instantly or just stunned him is unclear. Either way, enemy soldiers quickly seized the moment and decapitated the fallen king. A far cry from a glorious end for such a respected military leader.
2. King Henry I: A Fatal Feast of Lampreys
In 1135, King Henry I of England was visiting France. He decided to enjoy one of his favorite meals: lampreys. These eel-like fish, with their circular, tooth-filled mouths, were a delicacy he loved. His doctor, however, had warned him to stay away from them. Historian Henry of Huntingdon noted that lampreys “always disagreed with him.”
Ignoring medical advice, King Henry ate a large helping of the fish. Soon after, he fell gravely ill. The lampreys caused a “sudden and extreme disturbance,” and his elderly body succumbed. It seems overindulgence was his undoing. He wasn’t the only royal to eat himself to death; King Adolf Frederick of Sweden famously died in 1771 after a massive meal that included 14 sweet semla buns.
3. The Duke of Clarence: Drowned in a Barrel of Wine
Nobles often received private executions instead of public ones, making the exact details of their deaths sometimes murky. This is true for George Plantagenet, Duke of Clarence. His own brother, King Edward IV, had him executed for treason in 1478 during the Wars of the Roses. Soon, a strange rumor began to circulate: Clarence hadn’t been beheaded or hanged, but drowned in a barrel of Malmsey wine.
While it might sound like mere gossip, several historical accounts mention this unusual death. Fabyan’s Chronicle from 1516 states he was “drowned in a butt of Malmesey wine.” The story gained even more fame when William Shakespeare included it in his play Richard III. In the play, after being stabbed, one of Clarence’s murderers declares, “I’ll drown you in the malmsey-butt within.”
4. Al-Musta’sim Billah: Trampled by Horses or Starved in Treasure
When the Mongols attacked Baghdad in 1258, Al-Musta’sim Billah, the last Abbasid Caliph of Baghdad, met his end at the hands of Hulagu Khan, Genghis Khan’s grandson. Accounts of his execution vary, but most agree that no blood was spilled. Two popular stories prevail: either he was rolled in a rug and trampled to death by horses, or he was locked in his treasure room to starve.
Marco Polo’s writings claim Hulagu mockingly told the Caliph to “eat of thy treasure.” Historians today lean towards trampling as the more likely method. This bloodless death wasn’t necessarily out of respect for his royal status. Instead, it likely stemmed from Mongol superstitions. They believed spilling royal blood could free a vengeful soul, and breaking bones would end a lineage.
5. King Edward II: A Red-Hot Poker End?
King Edward II of England’s reign was filled with turmoil, partly due to his close relationship with Piers Gaveston, rumored by many to be his lover. This favoritism and poor leadership eventually led Queen Isabella and disgruntled nobles to arrange his murder.
Many modern historians think he was simply starved to death or died of neglect. However, lurid medieval accounts claim a far more gruesome end: a red-hot poker inserted into his anus, burning his internal organs. Holinshed’s Chronicles (1577) suggested this method was chosen so “no appearance of any wound or hurt outwardlie might be once perceiued.” Christopher Marlowe’s play Edward II further popularized this horrific tale.
6. Emperor Valerian: Molten Gold or Flayed Alive?
Roman Emperor Valerian was captured in battle by Persian Emperor Shapur I in AD 260. As a prisoner, Valerian suffered great humiliation, reportedly being used as a human stepping stool for Shapur to mount his horse. The stories of his eventual execution are varied and horrific.
One tale claims he was forced to drink molten gold—a truly agonizing death. Another account, from Lactantius, an advisor to Emperor Constantine I, states Valerian was flayed alive. His skin was then allegedly dyed red and displayed as a gruesome warning to other Romans. While neither story is definitively proven, both depict unimaginable suffering.
7. Sigurd Eysteinsson: Killed by a Dead Man’s Tooth
Sigurd Eysteinsson, the first Earl of Orkney, led a Viking campaign in Scotland. While details of his life are sparse, his death is quite memorable. In 892, during an invasion of northern Scotland, he challenged a local leader, Máelbrigte, to a battle with 40 men on each side. Sigurd, however, cheated by bringing 80 men, two to a horse.
Naturally, Sigurd won. As a trophy, he tied Máelbrigte’s severed head to his saddle. According to “The Orkneyinga Saga,” this was his undoing. Máelbrigte was known for his prominent buck teeth. As Sigurd rode, one of these teeth grazed his leg, causing a wound. The cut became infected, and Sigurd died soon after. Máelbrigte, though defeated and decapitated, had his revenge from beyond the grave.
8. Emperor Valentinian I: A Fatal Fit of Rage
Think twice before letting anger get the best of you; Emperor Valentinian I reportedly died from screaming too hard. Valentinian ruled the Roman Empire from AD 364 to 375, largely defending its European borders. During negotiations for a ceasefire with Quadi messengers (a Germanic tribe), things took a turn.
The Quadi envoys argued that the Romans were wrong to build forts in their lands and couldn’t guarantee all their chiefs would honor a peace treaty. Roman historian Ammianus Marcellinus wrote that Valentinian “burst into a mighty fit of wrath.” After his outburst, he suddenly became speechless, his face flushed, and he collapsed. The emperor had apparently worked himself into such a fury that it triggered a fatal stroke.
9. Emperor Qin Shi Huang: Drank Mercury for Immortality
Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor to unify China in 221 BC, is famous for starting the Great Wall. Alongside his grand achievements, he was obsessed with living forever. In his quest for immortality, he had alchemists prepare special elixirs.
Unfortunately for him, these elixirs often contained mercury, which was believed to prolong life. His habit of drinking wine mixed with honey and mercury ultimately led to his death at the age of 49. Ironically, the substance he consumed for eternal life poisoned him. Even his magnificent tomb, guarded by the Terracotta Army, is rumored to feature rivers of mercury, though this remains unconfirmed as the tomb has yet to be fully excavated.
10. Duke Jing: Drowned in a Latrine Pit
Duke Jing ruled the Chinese State of Jin from 599 to 581 BC. His death is perhaps one of the most undignified on record. According to the ancient text, the Zuo Zhuan, Duke Jing fell ill. After a disturbing nightmare, he consulted a shaman who grimly predicted he wouldn’t live to taste the new season’s wheat.
Determined to prove the shaman wrong, Duke Jing held on. When the new wheat was harvested, he summoned the shaman, had him executed for the false prophecy, and prepared to eat. However, just as he was about to indulge, he felt an urgent need to use the toilet. He went to the latrine pit, somehow fell in, and drowned in the feces. It’s a particularly foul way to go. Adding to the tragedy, the servant who retrieved his body was reportedly buried alive with him.
These tales, whether completely factual or slightly embellished over time, remind us that even the most powerful figures in history were not immune to bizarre and often undignified ends. From fatal overindulgences to freak accidents and grim executions, their stories prove that truth can indeed be stranger than fiction. Power and prestige offer no shield against the truly weird ways one might depart this world.
Which of these bizarre royal deaths surprised you the most? Do you know of any others? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
