When people land in the emergency room needing an object removed from, well… down there, the go-to excuse is always, “I fell on it.” You’d be amazed by the strange and wacky things people have supposedly “accidentally fallen” on. From a whole coconut to a dog toy, the human imagination (and desperation) knows no bounds when finding new ways to get a little… gratification.
10 Eel
In a bizarre medical case that sounds like a slapstick comedy, a 50-year-old patient in Hong Kong found himself in a precarious situation after trying to use a live eel as an unconventional remedy for constipation. The guy thought inserting the 20-inch (50-cm) creature into his rectum would provide relief. However, the eel—known for its sharp senses—had other plans.
Instead of acting as a makeshift laxative, the eel bit the patient’s colon, causing a 1.3-inch (3-cm) perforation. This led to an emergency surgery and the installation of a colostomy. One can only imagine the embarrassment of explaining this slippery situation to the medical staff.
While using eels as a suppository may seem like an urban legend, this case shows such practices can have serious consequences. Doctors were likely baffled, wondering how to document this unusual incident properly.
Fortunately, the patient fully recovered, though the eel’s fate is unknown. Hopefully, it was returned to its aquatic home, wiser and warier of future medical attempts.
9 Deodorant
When it comes to strange objects people have “accidentally” inserted, deodorant stands out. It seems some men can’t resist shoving a can of spray-on odor protection where the sun doesn’t shine.
One case involved a 23-year-old in Saudi Arabia who decided to stuff an entire aerosol deodorant can up his rectum. Maybe he wanted a more “refreshing” bowel movement, or perhaps he wanted to smell like a fresh summer breeze—down there. This experiment landed him in the hospital with lower abdominal pain.
Doctors have reported removing these slippery cylinders from uncomfortable places, often with patients claiming they “accidentally fell on it.” Sure, they did. It’s a wonder these folks don’t just buy proper adult toys and avoid the ER trip.
8 Instant Coffee Jar
Who knew an instant coffee jar could double as a personal pleasure device? According to the records, the instant coffee jar has a rather stimulating history.
These jars, known for providing a quick caffeine fix, have found a new use among adventurous—or accident-prone—individuals. Their cylindrical shape and smooth glass exterior make them popular for those seeking DIY excitement.
One can imagine the awkward doctor’s visits:
“Yes, doctor, I slipped and fell… onto my instant coffee jar. Repeatedly.”
“Sure, Jan.”
We shouldn’t judge—to each their own when finding ways to perk themselves up.
7 Kong Dog Toy
A Kong is a classic dog chew toy. Apparently, it’s a popular plaything for humans, too. This rubber-made, hollow, and oddly shaped object has been in some compromising positions.
While the Kong was designed to be stuffed with treats, some people have found a creative use. Its squishy, phallic-like form and sturdy build make it a surprising addition to the bedroom for those seeking excitement.
One Amazon reviewer joked, “I’ll never look at my dog’s toys the same way again.” Veterinarians are likely grimacing, cautioning pet owners to keep personal tendencies separate from their pets’ toys. But for daring individuals, wash it well before Rover’s turn.
6 Cement
Cement certainly takes the (concrete) cake. An American doctor treated a 20-year-old man who, decided to add cement to his intimate activities.
Cement is great for construction, driveways, and sleek bathrooms. But it’s not meant for bodily orifices. The young man thought introducing cement via a funnel would be a good idea. Unsurprisingly, the cement hardened quickly, leading to an ER trip.
Cement is renowned for its strength. However, those aren’t qualities one wants in an intimate companion. Unless you want a permanent bond, keep cement on the construction site, not in the bedroom.
5 Potatoes
Potatoes aren’t just innocent side dishes; they have a secret life as bedroom companions. Sex toy enthusiasts have experimented with produce, and the potato, with its shape and firm texture, has become a surprising favorite.
The potato’s use as an impromptu sex toy dates back centuries. Ancient Romans carved designs into potatoes. During World War II, GIs turned to the humble spud to “relieve stress.” Even a vicar got a potato stuck while hanging curtains… naked!
The next time you’re in the produce aisle, remember—the potato’s potential extends beyond the kitchen. Just scrub it well before use to avoid unwanted sprouts in the bedroom.
4 High Heel
Who knew a shoe designed to elevate height could also be an intimate bedroom accessory? The high heel has a naughty secret.
These towering instruments of fashion have found a new calling. The sharp, tapered heel has allure for thrill-seekers. Imagine the contrast—the sleek exterior with its carnal purpose.
But remember the risks. Improperly wielding a stiletto can lead to unintended consequences. One Reddit user told of a boyfriend who loved heel insertion, only to end up in the ER. Ouch!
For the daring and flexible, the high heel offers sensory exploration. Start slow, communicate clearly, and keep a first aid kit handy.
3 Candle Stick
Some individuals have taken “spice things up” too literally. One case involves the curious incident of the candlestick in the boudoir.
According to medical reports, a patient was discovered with a candlestick lodged in a delicate area, from a sexual mishap. There was a desperate attempt to add fiery passion, met with searing pain and an ER trip.
The candlestick, associated with ambiance and romance, has a new meaning in bedroom antics gone wrong. Its design, meant to illuminate elegantly, is now a source of alarm for those who misjudge its “insertability.”
While the specifics remain a mystery, one wonders about the thought process behind this unconventional choice. The only mystery is how this person will ever look at a candlestick the same way again.
2 Lightbulb
How does one “accidentally” end up with a fragile glass bulb lodged where it shouldn’t be? It’s baffled medical professionals for decades.
In a world filled with sex toys, there’s little need for makeshift options. Yet, the lightbulb remains popular. Perhaps it’s the thrill of using an everyday item in an unorthodox manner, or the challenge of extraction.
Whatever the motivation, the lightbulb’s weaknesses make it risky. A colorectal surgeon explains that the main worry is bowel perforation and shattering. Traction can also create a vacuum effect, causing it to retreat further.
The lightbulb is best left illuminating your living room—not your nether regions.
1 A Whole Coconut
According to the British Journal of Surgery, one individual had a coconut lodged in their posterior for two days before seeking help.
How does one insert an entire coconut into such a sensitive area? Was it a misguided attempt at a homemade sex toy or constipation relief? Whatever the reason, the result was an uncomfortable ER trip.
Coconuts are known for their hard shells, which made extraction difficult. One can only imagine the relief (and embarrassment) the patient felt when the fruit was removed.
While makeshift sex toys may seem cost-effective, the vagina and rectum require body-safe materials. Hence, when life gives you coconuts, don’t stick them inside yourself.
What’s the craziest “I fell on it” story you’ve ever heard? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
