Ever heard the saying ‘sex sells’? Well, it’s probably as old as your grandma’s favorite armchair. For ages, desire has fueled sales, often through suggestive images that let the mind wander. But times have changed! In our hyper-connected world, those fantasies can become, well, very real products. If you can dream it, chances are someone’s selling it – especially in the realm of sex toys.
While these items are genuine and have their fans, they’re likely not what you’d stumble upon in your Nana’s knitting basket. Get ready, because we’re diving into 10 sex toys that are pretty much guaranteed to make your grandma gasp (or maybe even faint!).
10 Xenophile Fetish: When Probing Goes Too Far
If you’ve ever thought aliens needed a more… adult storyline, the world of xenophile sex toys might just be your final frontier. Forget little green men; we’re talking about playthings that truly embrace the unknown. Think slime-covered creatures, tentacled companions, and shapes that defy typical human anatomy. Why stick to the basics when you can explore galaxies of pleasure?
These toys aren’t just about unusual forms. For those whose fantasies stretch beyond simple tentacles, there’s even the concept of ‘extraterrestrial egg implantation’ play. Yes, you read that right. You can apparently customize these ‘eggs’ with various materials like gelatin or silicone. It seems ‘live long and prosper’ is taking on a whole new, very intimate meaning for some.
9 Harmony: The Sexbot
This one definitely won’t fit in a sock drawer, and while life-sized dolls aren’t new, Harmony is a different breed altogether. So, what makes her stand out from the inflatable ‘friend’ someone might keep hidden away?
For starters, Harmony is a robot. She can move, smile, and even embrace you. But the real kicker? She’s intelligent. Imagine an AI assistant that actually pays attention and learns from your interactions. The more you engage with Harmony, the more she purportedly connects with you. And if you ignore her? She might just get a little sad. Just what everyone needs: another relationship to potentially disappoint!
8 A Digital Chastity Device: What Could Go Wrong?
At first glance, this might seem less shocking. It’s essentially a ring with an attached tube that locks. The truly eyebrow-raising part comes when you learn that someone else can control this lock using an app on their phone. Imagine trying to explain that app to your grandparents – it’s a recipe for a long, confused afternoon.
On the other hand, the whole point of a chastity device is to build anticipation before unlocking. So, perhaps an elderly individual’s struggle with technology could unintentionally heighten the experience! A word of warning, however: like any connected tech, these devices can be vulnerable. Hackers actually targeted one such device, locking users in and demanding ransom. Some unfortunate individuals had to resort to rather drastic measures to free themselves.
7 Urethral Sounds: The World’s Sexiest Catheter?
This one ventures into the realm of medical play and is certainly on the more extreme side. If you’ve never encountered one, you might innocently guess they’re drink stirrers or perhaps unusual tools for acupressure. Those would be much safer assumptions.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your tastes), urethral sounds are smooth rods designed for insertion into the urethra. You might be wondering why anyone would do this. The simple answer is for a unique type of sensation. This practice allows for stimulation of nerve-packed areas from an entirely different angle. However, extreme caution is advised; incorrect use can lead to serious injury and an unwanted trip to the hospital for a real catheter.
6 Electrified Genitals: Giving Granny the Shock of a Lifetime
Have you ever used a TENS unit at a physical therapist’s office? It’s that machine sending electrical pulses through pads on your skin, making your muscles contract and relax. It can feel like a deep massage for sore spots. Well, imagine that concept adapted for pleasure, specifically below the belt.
Sexual TENS units come with pads designed to be placed in… strategic locations. In theory, this sounds intriguing, especially if you’ve had positive experiences with TENS for muscle pain. But then, a jolt of memory (perhaps of accidentally touching an electric fence) might make you think twice. It’s certainly a shocking way to spice things up!
5 Nothing Cute Has Ever Been Called Goliath
Think about names like Goliath. David and Goliath, the Goliath Spider, the Goliath Grouper – none of these are what you’d call small or cuddly. Impressive, yes. Cute, not so much. And they all share one thing in common: they are massive. So, it’s no surprise that Mr. Hankey’s Goliath Sex Toy lives up to its name with an incredibly large girth.
If you’ve ever pondered (or perhaps fondly remembered) the sensation of, say, giving birth, this particular phallic toy aims to replicate something of that magnitude. Just be prepared for the possibility of feeling… rather stretched for a while afterward. This one is definitely not for the faint of heart or tight of passage.
4 Animal Husbandry Isn’t Just for The Barnyard
Most people have seen a male dog get a little… excited. For many, that’s where the observation ends. For others, curiosity takes a walk on the wild side. For those individuals, there are adult toys like semi-hard silicone horse appendages. Yes, you read that correctly.
The idea of human-animal attraction, or at least fantasies involving animalistic forms, isn’t new. History is dotted with rumors about famous figures and their alleged closeness with animals, like Catherine the Great and her horse. This particular kink is certainly niche, but if your fantasies involve dragons, horses, or dogs (oh my!), then some manufacturers have got you covered.
3 Saddle Up, Sweetheart: Pony Play Adventures
Perhaps the fantasy isn’t about being with a horse, but about being the horse. Whether you aspire to be a majestic Clydesdale or a graceful Arabian, there’s an entire subculture dedicated to pony play, complete with a vast array of specialized toys and gear.
Think ears, tails, manes, bridles – if it’s part of a horse, there’s likely a human-friendly version available. From elaborate horse masks with reins to rubber bits designed for human mouths, the options cater to those ready to unleash their inner steed, whether privately or more openly. For the truly adventurous, there are even gatherings where participants and their ‘equine’ partners can compete. It’s a whole new take on ‘horse girl’ energy. While wearing a bit and pulling a cart might sound more like work than play to some, everyone has their unique preferences!
2 Arachnophobes, You Might Want to Skip This One
Yes, you read that correctly. If spiders make your skin crawl, this toy might be your worst nightmare. Imagine presenting your partner with a small, coffin-shaped box, only to reveal a vibrating scorpion toy inside. Its purpose? To send shivers (of pleasure, hopefully) up and down their spine with its malleable stinger, scurrying feet, and squidgy pincers.
Don’t worry too much about watery escapes; it’s designed to be waterproof. The toy, sometimes cheekily named, aims to help scorpion-lovers explore their unique desires. If eight-legged (or multi-legged, in this case) creatures aren’t your thing, you might just feel an urge to grab the nearest heavy object. This one is definitely for those with a very specific taste.
1 Getting Some Sweet, Sweet Vibrations to Start the Day
Waking up can be tough. People have tried all sorts of tricks: coffee machines timed to brew, alarms placed across the room, and loud, obnoxious noises. And then there’s ‘The Little Rooster.’ This morning helper is a far cry from your average farm animal. It’s a vaginal alarm clock designed to wake you up with a daily sexual awakening. Sounds pretty good, right? As long as it stays in place throughout the night!
You might be thinking it sounds like a recipe for an unexpected jolt first thing in the morning. But the creators have considered that. Users can control the final intensity, and the device is programmed for a gradual build-up. It starts slowly and increases its vibratory speed over about five minutes, aiming for a pleasant sunrise experience. So, the next time Grandma asks if you want some scrambled eggs, you can tell her you’ve already started your day with a bang!
Well, there you have it – a journey into some of the wildest corners of the sex toy universe. These gadgets and gizmos certainly push boundaries and redefine what ‘adult novelty’ can mean. While they might not be everyone’s cup of tea (and definitely not Grandma’s!), they show how diverse human desires can be.
What do you think of these unique toys? Which one surprised you the most, or perhaps made you chuckle (or cringe)? Leave your comment below and share your thoughts!
