The superhero craze has taken the world by storm! Movies are constantly in production, and comic books offer an endless wellspring of inspiration. While the industry has tried to replicate the success of icons like Batman, Spiderman, and Wonder Woman, not every attempt hits the mark. Sometimes, the results are less than super.
Get ready to explore a lineup of ten heroes whose abilities seem utterly pointless. With countless attempts to create new champions, it’s inevitable that some would be duds. Characters like Jazz, the infamous Squirrel Girl, and Almighty Dollar are just a sampling of the wonderfully silly heroes dreamed up over the years. Some even sport catchphrases more cringeworthy than their names and powers! Perhaps the real supervillains are the comic book editors behind these creations. So, settle into your own “Fortress of Solitude” and prepare to be amazed by some of the most bizarre powers ever committed to print.
10 Hindsight Lad
Just uttering the name Hindsight Lad brings a grin to your face, doesn’t it? This Marvel Comics creation lives up to his name with powers that are… well, quite pointless. Hindsight Lad possesses the amazing ability of, you guessed it, hindsight! After his superhero teammates complete their missions, he expertly analyzes how events could have unfolded differently. His hindsight is truly 20/20, it seems.
It’s clear Marvel was digging deep for this one. Honestly, Hindsight Lad sounds more like that one annoying friend we all have rather than a crime-fighting hero. What’s next, Captain Obvious or The Unsolicited Advice Giver? As you’ll see, some other heroes on this list boast even more perplexing powers.
9 Cypher
Cypher boasts something many on this list lack: a genuinely cool name. It’s a shame, then, that his superpower is remarkably underwhelming. As one of the X-Men, alongside heavy-hitters like Wolverine, Storm, and Cyclops, Cypher’s talent lies in linguistics. His mutant ability is to understand any and every language. While this might have seemed somewhat cool or at least handy back in the day, in our modern world where Google Translate is in everyone’s pocket, he seems rather redundant.
Marvel apparently reached a similar conclusion in 1988 when Cypher was killed off. However, his story wasn’t quite over, as he was resurrected in 2009. One might think that the mutant power to understand languages barely qualifies for X-Men membership, but perhaps Professor X was keen on boosting enrollment numbers. Cypher’s highly specific and seldom crucial power easily makes him one of the most pointless heroes around.
8 Squirrel Girl
Yes, you read that right. There’s a comic book hero named Squirrel Girl. One can only assume this character was created purely because the name has a certain ring to it. There’s certainly no other discernible rhyme or reason for her existence. Squirrel Girl is somewhat like Aquaman, but her powers function on land, and she can only communicate with a single type of animal: squirrels.
If you ever find yourself in a squirrel-related or acorn-centric emergency, she’s your go-to hero. Otherwise, she’s pretty much useless in the grand scheme of superheroics. Squirrel Girl also possesses some squirrel-like abilities: she can chew through wood, has a tail (for balance, presumably?), and sports sharp claws. She’s a member of the Great Lakes Avengers, sharing the roster with another hero from our list of questionable utility. Some hero concepts are wild, but the creator of Squirrel Girl must have been truly nuts!
7 Almighty Dollar
Like many caped crusaders, Almighty Dollar has a secret identity. However, his alter ego seems remarkably easy to uncover. His real name is J. Pennington Pennypacker – a dead giveaway. To top it off, Almighty Dollar works as a CPA by day. Yes, you heard correctly; not only does his name scream “money,” but his day job is an accountant!
Almighty Dollar’s superpower? He can shoot pennies from his wrists. As if his underwhelming powers and easily guessable secret identity weren’t enough, he also has a truly cringeworthy catchphrase. When pursuing his foes (tax evaders, perhaps?), he declares he can “throw money at my problems.” Unsurprisingly, this character didn’t last long, and customers weren’t exactly eager to throw their pennies, let alone dollars, at his comics.
6 Badrock
Many well-known comic book heroes hail from the big two publishers, Marvel and DC. Our next hero, however, was born from a smaller company, Image Comics, as part of their “Youngblood” series. Or so it seems. Badrock looks suspiciously familiar, and that’s because he’s essentially a carbon copy of a much more famous hero: Marvel’s The Thing. This means his powers include super strength and enhanced durability.
But that wasn’t the only thing Image Comics borrowed. Initially, Badrock had a more logical, if still unoriginal, name: Bedrock. The creators of The Flintstones (Hanna-Barbera) weren’t amused and contacted Image Comics, prompting a swift name change to Badrock. His catchphrase? “Yabba dabba doom.” Yikes. It’s safe to say that the character of Badrock was yabba dabba doomed from the get-go. Comic books thrive on uniqueness and creativity, two things Badrock sorely lacked, making him a truly pointless imitation.
5 Phone Ranger
A.G. Bell was just your average telephone repairman. Yes, kids, that was once a real profession! He’d go from house to house, fixing landline telephones. Then, one fateful day, his life changed forever! While helping a customer, A.G. Bell discovered their phone contained a message from an alien race. Using this extraterrestrial technology, he fashioned a super suit and adopted a new persona: the Phone Ranger, another Marvel hero on our list.
The Phone Ranger’s suit allowed him to connect with any telecommunications device, enabling him to respond swiftly to emergency calls. Unfortunately, his lack of truly useful powers led to a rather quick demise. While the Phone Ranger might have seemed like a novel idea at the time, looking back, it’s utterly ludicrous. His special power was connecting with phones. Don’t phones inherently do that anyway? Though his origin story is more imaginative than many on this list, the Phone Ranger’s powers were undeniably pointless and even laughable.
4 Razorback
Our next hero has strong regional ties. He was designed to be the champion of Arkansas, or at least, that was the intention. Buford Hollis was a truck driver before transforming into the hero Razorback. He possesses multiple powers, all of questionable utility. Firstly, he has the “power” to drive, pilot, or operate any vehicle, always naming his ride “Big Pig.” While impressive, is this truly a superpower?
His other ability relates to the large hog head he wears as a mask – it’s electrically charged. Razorback was a clear, albeit unsuccessful, attempt to appeal to the state of Arkansas. Despite Marvel writers’ best efforts, including featuring Razorback in comics alongside Spiderman, She-Hulk, and other renowned heroes, he never achieved similar popularity. Perhaps that’s because he’s essentially a glorified cab driver with a very silly hat.
3 Jazz
Jazz, also known as John Arthur Zander, is another Marvel hero with powers that don’t quite impress. Jazz’s father was a genetic mutant who couldn’t feel pain. Because his mutation wasn’t visible, he could blend into normal society. Jazz, however, wasn’t so fortunate. He was born with blue skin. Perhaps this was less of a “superpower” and more of just a distinct skin condition.
Jazz endured a rather tragic story arc in Marvel comics. He left home at 16, aspiring to become a famous rapper. His rap career evidently didn’t take off, as he eventually turned to drug dealing. In one of the most pathetic hero deaths in comic history, Jazz was killed by another mutant, Johnny Dee, who fashioned a voodoo doll of him. Despite being labeled a mutant, Jazz possessed no useful powers and primarily suffered due to his blue skin.
2 Hepzibah
The next hero on our list hails from another planet. Hepzibah belongs to the Mephitisoid species, meaning she’s a humanoid with skunk-like characteristics. In fact, “Hepzibah” isn’t even her real name; her actual name is a series of smells and thus unpronounceable. Hepzibah is a nickname given to her by another comic character, Corsair. Her powers are as peculiar as her name and origins.
She is highly acrobatic and possesses superhuman night vision and an enhanced sense of smell. Most uniquely, she can emit pheromones. While Hepzibah has found a following within the furry community due to her animal traits, her overall powers are pretty useless. She certainly has an unforgettable appearance, complete with a large skunk tail. In more recent comics, her appearance has shifted to be more feline than skunk-like. Though her ears and tail may have evolved over the years, her powers have largely remained just as impractical.
1 Mr. Immortal
The final hero on our list has a rather dark origin story. As a young man, Craig Hollis was tricked by the villain Deathurge into starting a fire. Tragically, the fire claimed the lives of both of Hollis’s parents. Understandably, this left Hollis deeply depressed, leading to multiple suicide attempts. When Hollis discovered he couldn’t die, Mr. Immortal was born.
He initially tried to fight crime solo but eventually formed the Great Lakes Avengers alongside Squirrel Girl. Mr. Immortal, as his name suggests, cannot die. When he does perish, he is quickly resurrected, often accompanied by fits of rage. While immortality is undoubtedly an amazing power, it’s not particularly useful in active combat compared to abilities like flight, super speed, or superhuman strength. Mr. Immortal’s origin story is a somber one, and his superpower, while remarkable, feels somewhat passive in the superhero world.
And there you have it – a collection of superheroes whose powers range from the oddly specific to the downright silly. While they might not be saving the world in the most conventional ways, they certainly provide a unique and often humorous take on the superhero genre. Not every hero can be a blockbuster, but these characters prove that even pointless powers can make for memorable stories.
Which of these heroes do you think has the most pointless power? Do you know any others that should be on this list? Leave your comment below!
