Back in the late 1970s, toys from movies like Star Wars totally changed the game. Suddenly, action figures weren’t just big dolls; they were smaller, detailed characters from our favorite films. This kicked off a huge craze for action figures!
Every month, it felt like new heroes and villains, from space warriors to muscle-bound barbarians, hit the shelves. These plastic figures, often tied to movies and cartoons, filled our childhoods. But let’s be honest, not all of them were winners. Some were just plain weird and ended up gathering dust in stores.
10. Teenage Mutant Turtles—Toon Burne
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had a massive line of action figures. The idea was simple: take an animal-like character, similar to the Turtles, and give it a unique feature. So many figures were made that some characters hadn’t even appeared in the cartoon show! We saw some wild ideas, like a lion who loved Shakespeare and a firefighting Dalmatian.
But Toon Burne might have been the least exciting of them all. He was part of a ‘toon’ series aimed at younger kids. Burne was the Turtles’ boss at the Channel 6 news station. He was just a tired, grumpy, middle-aged guy. It’s hard to imagine why anyone thought kids would want a toy of him. To make it even more thrilling, he came with a sandwich and a typewriter. Really exciting, right?
9. WWF Space Domination—Marc Mero
The WWE (formerly WWF) has had its share of questionable action figures. Think Bret Hart dressed as a 1930s gangster or the weird “Maximum Sweat” line where figures actually sweated! But perhaps none were as dull as Marc Mero in a spacesuit.
This figure was part of the “Space Domination Stomp 3” line. Some wrestlers, like The Legion of Doom with their futuristic armor, kind of fit the space theme. An Undertaker from the future? Cool idea! But a mid-level wrestler like Marc Mero getting a space figure? That was a head-scratcher.
His outfit looked like it was made from old washing machine parts. It was one of the very few action figures ever made of him. Strangely, his wife Sable also got a figure in the same line, wearing a bikini and not much else. Kids didn’t seem eager to send their wrestlers to space, especially Marc Mero, and the line quickly disappeared.
8. G.I. Joe—The Fridge
One cool thing about G.I. Joe figures was their different jobs. The card on the back told you who the character was, their role, and if they were good or bad. Early on, these were exciting military jobs. But as the line grew, the jobs got stranger. At one point, G.I. Joe apparently needed a real-life celebrity as their physical training coach.
William “The Fridge” Perry was a huge defensive tackle for the Chicago Bears. He was famous for being the heaviest player to score a Super Bowl touchdown and has the biggest Super Bowl ring ever. He became the second real person, after Sgt. Slaughter, to get his own G.I. Joe figure.
You could get this figure through a mail-away offer from Hasbro in 1986, and it arrived in 1987. He came with an American football on a chain. How useful that would be against Cobra on the battlefield is anyone’s guess!
7. Beach Spiderman
Even superheroes need a vacation after saving the world. This includes Spider-Man! While you might think Spidey relaxes on a rooftop with pizza, this action figure suggests he hits the beach. But why wouldn’t he just change into his Peter Parker clothes?
Instead, this figure has Spidey wearing a vest over his suit, keeping his mask on, and sporting Spider-Man board shorts. He also comes with lifeguard gear, like a float, and a beach ball for some hero volleyball. This was part of the “Adventure Hero” line, which had other oddities. One featured Spidey in a colonial-era safari outfit over his costume, and another was an inline-skating Spider-Man.
6. Masters of the Universe—Astro Lion
The Transformers toy line was a massive hit in the 1980s. It was a clever marketing move, licensing existing Japanese transforming robot designs. With a new backstory and cartoon, sales went through the roof, and transforming toys became super popular.
Masters of the Universe was another big toy line at the time. When its popularity started to fade, it decided to try the transforming gimmick too. One new group was The Meteorbs, based on Japanese transforming eggs called Tamagoras. They looked very out of place next to bulky He-Man and his friends.
Astro Lion came out later, an attempt to keep fans interested. But a skinny lion that turned into an egg wasn’t what fans wanted, especially since the line already had the awesome Battle Cat. This wasn’t the only transforming toy they tried; Stonedar and Rokkon were heroes who turned into… rocks. Yes, exciting rocks. Another toy line, Tonka’s “Rocklords,” also went with this thrilling concept.
5. Star Wars—Power Droid
Star Wars is famous for making action figures out of almost every background character. Even if they weren’t super exciting, most could at least interact with other figures. But the Power Droid seemed pretty pointless.
This toy was supposed to be a walking battery, but it looked nothing like it did in the movie. It barely moved and was basically a box on legs. Many people knew these droids as “gonk” droids from the sound they made in the film. So, when the figure came out, hardly anyone knew what it was. The only good thing? It was one of the few figures that could actually stand up on its own.
4. Transformers—Beast Machines Silverbolt
The Transformers are great at making seemingly boring things cool. For instance, one of their most famous characters turns into a tape recorder! But sometimes, they missed the mark. One such miss was what they did to Silverbolt.
In the Beast Wars cartoon, Silverbolt was a Fuzor, a mix of two animal forms: half wolf and half eagle. This made for a really cool-looking toy. With his noble speeches, he was a fan favorite. But then came the follow-up series, Beast Machines, where he became something that can only be described as a cartoon parrot.
In his robot mode, this new Silverbolt looked bad. He had a tiny, undefined head, large paws, and a sword made from his clear wings. It’s easy to see why he was packaged in robot form, because his animal mode was even worse. He transformed into a sickly-colored cockatoo, with arms that looked like leftover chicken wings.
3. Dune Sandworm
You can draw your own conclusions about what the Dune Sandworm toy looks like. Before the recent movie update, David Lynch directed a Dune movie. It had a huge budget and was expected to be the next Star Wars, but it didn’t do well commercially.
The original toy line was made by LJN, a company now known for how bad some of its figures were. They made terrible video games and wrestling figures that couldn’t even move much.
But this long, bendable sandworm toy really takes the cake. It’s amazing that no one at the company stopped it before it was released. As far as unfortunately shaped toys go, it’s right up there, maybe second only to the E.T. finger light.
2. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves—Friar Tuck
Toy companies often save money by reusing molds from older action figures. For example, He-Man’s Battle Cat was originally from the Big Jim toy series. But when Kenner made figures for the movie Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, it seemed like they really didn’t want to create anything new.
The Robin Hood figure itself was a repaint of a Green Arrow figure from the DC Superpowers line. A treetop playset was just a reused Ewok hideout. But the biggest insult was to one of Star Wars’ most recognizable figures, the Gamorrean Guard.
All the company did was swap the head with one that looked like a portly, cheerful monk and called it Friar Tuck. Not only was he one of the less exciting characters in the movie, but he didn’t even get his own unique figure design.
1. Indiana Jones—German Mechanic
Making action figures for the Indiana Jones movies seemed like a no-brainer. It was another George Lucas trilogy set to be a huge hit. Kenner, the company behind the Star Wars toys, even had the license. What could possibly go wrong?
The issue was, once kids had an Indiana Jones figure, the other characters weren’t nearly as interesting. Star Wars had all sorts of cool aliens to spark the imagination, but Indiana Jones mostly had… well, people. And then there was the German Mechanic.
This character appears briefly in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He has a fistfight with Indy, but his clumsiness leads to him getting quickly dispatched by an airplane propeller. That’s his whole story.
His action figure is even less inspiring. The muscular actor from the movie was turned into a flabby, balding, middle-aged man without a shirt. How could any kid resist spending their allowance on that?
These action figures prove that not every toy idea is a stroke of genius. Sometimes, what gets produced leaves us all scratching our heads, wondering who exactly asked for these plastic oddities. They might not have been childhood treasures, but they certainly give us a good laugh looking back!
What’s the worst action figure you remember? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
