We’ve all been there—a bad hair day that stretches into a bad hair week, or even worse, a regrettable hairstyle that haunts old photos. If there’s one thing the recent self-isolating has taught us, it’s how much we rely on our hairstylists. But let’s face it, some hairstyles are just beyond redemption. Quarantine can’t be blamed for some of the worst hairstyles in modern history. Let’s dive into the top 10 absolute disasters!
The Fringed Buzz Cut
The buzz cut is a bold move, symbolizing a fresh start for many. But when you add baby bangs to the mix? That’s where things get dicey. FashionBean.com described the fringed ‘do as “one part Chess Club president, two parts Nazi skinhead–100 percent dreadful.” Take, for instance, three-time FIFA World Player of the Year Ronaldo. While there are some not-so-unfortunate versions of this style, there are far more disastrous ones.
And if the wearer of the fringed buzz cut decided to let the shaved portion catch up with the bangs, he’d have something just as appalling: the caesar. Take Mark Zuckerberg, for example. Dude can afford the world’s best hairstylist, but it looks like he’s opting to let his 4-year-old daughter cut his hair.
The Beehive
It’s been 60 years since hairstylist Margaret Vinci Heldt created the beehive. In the 1960s, the hairdo was flaunted by Priscilla Presley, Brigette Bardot, Barbra Streisand, and scores of other high-profile celebrities. The Ronettes boasted some of the tallest beehives of the era.
Heldt was tasked with developing a hairstyle that differed from the demure ‘dos of the 1950s. The resulting style was enormous, however, and likely didn’t fit into any such hat. More recently, beehives have been sported by Marge Simpson, Adele, and Amy Winehouse, who said, “The more insecure I feel, the bigger my hair has to be.”
Helmet Head
For athletes, bikers, and others who wear helmets, “helmet hair” can be a serious problem. Why, then, have both men and women intentionally embraced the look?
As its name implies, helmet hair looks like the bearer is wearing a helmet. It’s round, smooth, and terribly unflattering to every face shape. Women in the 1950s and 1960s pumped up volume on their bouffants to achieve the helmet look. The style could be teased into shape and remain that way for an entire week.
In the 1970s, boys and men were the ones sporting helmet-shaped ‘dos. Today, thankfully, the style has all but disappeared.
The Karen (aka the “Can I Speak to Your Manager?”)
Kate Gosselin of TLC’s Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame took it on the chin for a lot of public choices. But one of the famous mother’s most infamous choices was that of her hairstyle.
The Karen, also known as the “Gosselin,” is an asymmetrical coif that has since become synonymous with Can-I-Speak-To-Your-Manager types. The much-imitated style was long and smooth in the front, short and spiky on top, and shaved in the back—three not-so-great haircuts in one.
Mall Bangs and Hair Bands
The most popular hairstyles of the 1980s and early 1990s defied gravity and put a hole in the ozone layer. For females of all ages, it was mall hair: permed or crimped locks and stiff, sky-high bangs locked into place with Aqua Net. Combs might be used for teasing, but hairbrushes weren’t needed at all. Janet Jackson, Stevie Nicks, and Whitney Houston wore mall hair. So did the Facts of Life and Full House girls. As with the beehive and helmet hair, achieving the greatest height and volume was the style goal.
The guys also turned up the volume—on their guitars as well as their hair. Twisted Sister, Cinderella, and Motley Crue were just some of the metal groups known as “hair bands.”
The Pompadour (Quiff)
The pompadour was named after Madame de Pompadour, a mistress of King Louis XV, even though she herself never sported such a style. The pompadour generally describes hair that is swept away from the face and worn high over the forehead. The trend was first popular among women, then men, and then women until the 1950s and early 1960s when men claimed the style as their own and renamed it the quiff.
David Beckham types modernized the quiff by making it less perfect. The smooth, precise pouf was replaced with an edgier tousled look. In keeping with history, women are getting back into the game. Voluminous pompadours have been seen in recent years on Alicia Keys, Natalie Portman, Gwen Stefani, and Janelle Monae.
The Klute
For Jane Fonda, 1970 was a big year. It began with her taking home the Best Actress Oscar for Klute, and it ended with her arrest for suspected drug trafficking. But the big story surrounding both events was Fonda’s hair.
The iconic klute resembled the haircut a preschool girl might give herself the first time she finds herself alone with scissors. Part bob, part shag, it featured full, blunt bangs, face-framing “sideburns,” and choppy lengths at the neck.
The Gumby
The green, clay animation figure Gumby has an angled, asymmetrical head. And it was in his honor that an infamous 1990s hairstyle took its name. Bobby Brown debuted the Gumby in a 1989 music video, and fans were quick to replicate it.
But the Gumby was actually a mistake. Brown’s barber mistakenly cut off half of the singer’s high-top fade hairdo. Brown embraced the sloped style and made it famous. Decades later, the Gumby still makes appearances by women and men alike.
The Mullet
What is unfortunately making a comeback is the atrocious mullet. There are hipster mullets, side-part mullets, pompadour mullets, and fade mullets. Jared Leto himself has sported at least a dozen variations of the iconic hairstyle. And all have the same basic foundation: business in the front; party in the back.
Maybe Joe Exotic (aka Tiger King) is to blame for the mullet resurgence. The Tiger King inspired Gwen Stefani to clip Blake Shelton’s hair into this nightmarish style. Famous mullet bearers over the years have included Andre Agassi, David Bowie, Joan Jett, Bono, “Joe Dirt,” and Dog the Bounty Hunter.
The Bowl Cut
Sporting a classic bowl cut, the Three Stooges’ Moe was a hoot. And the world laughed hysterically when Dumb and Dumber’s Lloyd Christmas donned a similar ‘do. But many adults can recall the days when they themselves sported the incredibly unflattering style—days when they weren’t laughing one bit. School yearbooks are filled with photos of children whose parents regarded the bowl cut as a rite of passage.
After all, Timothee Chalamet donned one for his role in Netflix’s The King. Charlize Theron, Rihanna, and Zendaya rocked edgy versions of the cut on the red carpet. But it’s worth noting that these are celebs who are blessed with spectacular bone structure.
So, there you have it! A rollercoaster ride through the worst hairstyles of modern times. Which of these styles made you cringe the most? Or perhaps you’ve bravely rocked one of these looks yourself?
Leave a comment below and share your own hair horror stories!
