It’s a tough truth: eventually, every food product we obsess over disappears. Some fans harbor grudges against manufacturers for decades! The rest of us wonder what made these fads so appealing. How did we fall for these strange, supposedly delicious, and even nutritious items? Let’s dive into ten discontinued foods that seem utterly bizarre today.
10. Weiner Wrap
The Weiner Wrap aimed to bake hot dogs and buns together. Pillsbury’s can contained six dough sheets that easily wrapped around each hot dog. Twenty minutes on a cookie sheet yielded a plump, juicy hot dog in a warm bun. Available in plain, cheese, and onion, Weiner Wraps were a hit.
Teenagers loved them because they could make them alone. Many people in their fifties remember when their parents let them eat Weiner Wraps every night! A cold Weiner Wrap in a lunchbox meant you were either lucky or neglected. Like many processed items of the ’70s, the aerobics craze led to its demise as people sought healthier options.
9. WOW Chips
Frito Lay’s WOW chips and Doritos, from 1998-2002, contained Olestra, a zero-calorie fat substitute. This significantly reduced fat content.
WOW products initially sold $400 million in the first year! However, consumers soon reported “abdominal cramping, diarrhea, and anal leakage.” These side effects damaged the product’s reputation. Imagine hearing, “Your party was great! But we woke up with diarrhea and had to throw out our underwear!”
8. Pizza Spins
General Mills invented Pizza Spins in 1968 but discontinued them in 1975. Surveys showed pizza as America’s favorite flavor, sparking a race for the ultimate pizza-flavored snack.
The box stated, “All the true delicious pizza flavor in a munchy, crunchy, mouth-sized snack.” It should’ve warned of acid indigestion burps fueled by sawdust and old spaghetti sauce. Even a ten-year-old’s healthy gut couldn’t escape the burning sensation after eating these imitation pizza wheels.
7. Freshen Up Gum
Freshen Up Gum, “The Gum That Goes Squirt,” debuted in 1975 and ended in 2019. Available in cinnamon, spearmint, peppermint, and bubblegum, it featured a creamy gel that “squirted your breath with refreshment.”
If you got a piece from someone’s pocket or a hot car, you experienced an unpleasant surprise: hot, weirdly flavored goo exploding in your mouth. Your brain decided whether to gag, choke, swallow, or assimilate the hot goo into the chewing gum for an unpleasant twenty seconds.
6. Jell-O 123
Jell-O 123, a convenient dessert, was marketed as a “dessert with two toppings.” Commercials showed it separating into three layers in individual serving dishes.
The fruit-flavored powder mixed with hot water separated into a gelatinous layer, a creamy custard layer, and a damp sponge/foam layer. One box made four tiny portions. A larger amount might cause regurgitation. Its colors resembled a child’s stomach contents after too much cotton candy at the fair.
5. Oscar Meyer Sandwich Spread
Oscar Meyer Sandwich Spread came in a plastic tube in the hot dog section. It contained chicken, pork, and beef by-products ground into a paste with seasonings and pickle relish.
If you disliked sliced baloney sandwiches, Oscar Meyer Sandwich Spread was a dream. Slice, slather on bread, and voila! A powerfully aromatic sandwich, practically pre-chewed. Separating baloney was too hard for some. Unfortunately, this product was discontinued a few years ago.
4. Easy Squirt Ketchup
Heinz’ Easy Squirt Ketchup, introduced in 2000, featured brightly colored ketchup for kids. ‘Blastin’ Green’ promoted the movie “Shrek.” Over 25 million bottles of Funky Purple, Passion Pink, Awesome Orange, Stellar Blue, and Totally Teal ketchup were sold.
It fell from grace when people learned red tomato ketchup was stripped of its color and replaced with chemicals, altering the flavor. It legally couldn’t be called tomato ketchup. Parents were already uneasy watching their kids squirt this on everything. The final straw was its inability to be legitimately called ketchup.
3. Space Food Sticks
Pillsbury introduced Space Food Sticks in 1970, capitalizing on interest in NASA. Toys, clothing, books, and marketing gimmicks targeted children.
Space Food Sticks targeted the whole family. Since no one knew what astronaut food should taste like, the public was an easy target. Commercials looked official, as if NASA instructed us to consume astronaut food. After all, astronauts were healthy and brave!
For years, people convinced themselves the chocolate, caramel, and peanut butter rods were palatable. They believed Space Food Sticks were energizing, even though they looked like dog droppings. Eventually, the delusion lifted, and Space Food Sticks blasted off to the failed food product graveyard in the early 1980s.
2. Figurines
Introduced in 1974, Figurines, a crunchy wafer bar, exploited women’s diet insecurities. They were available in various flavors and full of fat and sugar, yet marketed as “full of added vitamins.”
Meant as a meal replacement (300 calories per pouch), teenage girls starved themselves while consuming Figurines, cigarettes, Tab, and caffeine pills to achieve an impossible beauty standard. Figurines became another diet fad. As consumers aged, the wafers’ popularity faded, and they were discontinued in the early ’80s.
1. Sugar-Free Gummy Bears
Can you taste the difference between regular and sugar-free gummy bears? Not until Maltitol, a sugar alcohol, unleashes its curse.
Maltitol acts as a powerful laxative. Indulging in gummy bears can lead to endless agony with explosive diarrhea. Haribo wisely removed these vindictive bears. Beware: other companies haven’t!
From oddly colored ketchups to diet bars packed with sugar, these discontinued food products remind us that not all food fads stand the test of time. Whether it was strange ingredients, unexpected side effects, or simply changing tastes, these items have vanished from our shelves, leaving behind bizarre memories.
Which of these discontinued foods do you remember? Share your thoughts and memories in the comments below!
