Ever wondered what happens when everyday objects get a mega-dose of bling? Prepare to be amazed (or maybe a little nauseated) by these over-the-top, diamond-studded, gold-plated versions of ordinary items. It’s a wild ride through the world of excessive luxury, proving that money can buy a lot, but maybe not good taste.
Ready to dive into the world of the ridiculously rich and their even more ridiculous purchases? Let’s get started!
1. Can’t Talk, I’m Rich – iPhone
Why settle for a regular iPhone when you can have one slathered in 24-carat gold, a platinum handset, and a gigantic pink diamond? Falcon, a luxury brand, created the SuperNova iPhone Pink Diamond, selling a couple of these for a whopping $97 million. It’s the perfect way to show the world that you have more money than sense. Just remember, it might be obsolete soon!
2. Super Posh For Battle – Armour
Got a guy who has everything? How about some pangolin scale armor that’s been lacquered and gilded? This amazing (if totally impractical) piece was presented to King Edward VII of England, featuring gold, precious turquoise, and ornate carvings. While scale armor has been used for centuries, this particular coat is more about looks than actual protection. Perfect for a king who doesn’t plan on seeing a battlefield anytime soon!
3. Fit For A Queen Bitch – Dog Collar
This isn’t just a dog collar; it’s a $3.5 million necklace featuring 52 carats of diamonds. Made by I Love Dogs Diamonds, this collar is more suited for a royal canine than your average furry friend. Most dogs would probably be happier with treats. Maybe this could be the grand prize for the World’s Ugliest Dog competition?
4. Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend… For Real This Time – Dildo
When a regular sex toy just won’t cut it, there’s always the diamond-encrusted option. This regal-looking pleasure object took Australian designer Colin Burns 15 years to create. Featuring diamonds and sapphires with an in-built pearl necklace, it promises a “Million Dollar orgasm.” Just be careful – diamonds are beautiful, but also very hard!
5. ‘There’s No Place Like My Mansion, There’s No Place Like My Mansion’ – Slippers
Inspired by the 50th anniversary of ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ jeweler Harry Wilson recreated the iconic ruby slippers. Instead of sequins, he used 4,600 rubies totaling 1,350 carats, plus 50 carats of diamonds. Costing $3 million, these slippers are for those who like walking on… well, a small fortune. Nothing says relaxation like a pair of priceless shoes!
6. Always Look Good – Corpses
Who says you can’t take it with you? In 1578, skeletons found in Roman catacombs were believed to be martyred Christians. To honor them (and combat the Protestant Reformation’s relic destruction), they were dressed in bright, bejeweled garb. These skeletons prove bling is eternal, even holy. Time to buy that diamond grill for the afterlife!
7. Stop You From Getting Sick Whilst Making You Feel A Bit Sick – Face Mask
Nothing screams late-stage capitalism like a $1.5 million diamond-studded face mask during a pandemic. According to experts (and the Kim Jong-Un Polytechnic University), this mask is only effective if everyone around you is also wearing one. So, if you want to face the apocalypse in style, this mask is for you!
8. Down And Out And Back In Again. Then Out Again. Then Back. – Council Flat
Artist Roger Hiorns transformed a humble council flat in Southwark, London, into a glittering art installation by pumping it full of 75,000 liters of copper sulfate solution. The result? An interior that looked like the inside of Elizabeth Taylor’s mind. The work, titled ‘Seizure’, is now on display at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park. A bizarre but beautiful transformation!
9. Shots! Shots, shots, shots! – Fancy Tequila In An Even Fancier Bottle
Need a stiff drink after 2020? Why not pour it from a $3.5 million bottle? The Pasion Azteca by Tequila Ley is made from platinum and white gold, covered in 6,400 diamonds. The tequila inside is a blend of 100% agave from the Los Altos de Jalisco plantations. Or, you could just rot potatoes in a bathtub. Your choice!
10. Bling Your Eyes – Contact Lenses
These pointless accessories scream late-stage capitalism. Diamond contact lenses serve no function other than to get attention, costing around $15,000 to have sparkly eyes. You might as well staple money to your forehead. Gaudy, blingy, and needlessly fancyified!
So, there you have it—a glimpse into the world of over-blinged everyday things. While most of us can only dream of owning such extravagances, it’s certainly entertaining to see what some people will do with their money.
What’s the most outrageous item on this list? Leave your comment below!
